Life in Alaska!

This was a joke diary someone at the Geophysical Institute gave me the first time I came to Fairbanks in 1998. It gives some insight into life here, except (i) its much colder than -20 C in winter here in interior Alaska and (ii) we don't get nearly as much snow here - wish we did - more is needed to improve the ski trails! However, the bit about the moose and the gritted roads is true (the chips in the paint of my 2 year old car bear testimony to the latter)

Moose? Yes, you do see moose everywhere - at least I did in 1998-9. Sleeping by your car in the morning, meaning you have to walk to work instead (no joke at -40!). Moose on the street in downtown Fairbanks. And best of all the university weekly police blotter frequently reports something like "a moose was escorted off campus on Tuesday for causing a nuisance". (Sadly it seems since 2000 though the moose population has dived - as the result of over-zealous hunting laws - why do so many Americans seem to think the only way to appreciate nature is down the barrel of a gun?).

Anyway, enjoy the diary, and for another point of view of life on the Northern frontier, you can also rent/buy DVDs of "Northern Exposure"!

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Dear Diary


July 12 - Moved to our new home in Alaska. It is so beautiful here. The mountains are so majestic. Can't hardly wait to see snow covering them.


Sept. 7 - Alaska is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves are turned all colors and shades of red and orange. Went for a ride today through the beautiful mountains and saw two moose. They are truly magnificent. One of God's greatest creations. This must be paradise. I love it here.


Oct. 28 - It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed in white. It looks like a postcard. We went outside and cleaned the snow off the steps and took turns shoveling the driveway. We had a snowball fight, (I won) and when the snow plow came by we had to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful place. I think I will live here forever.


Nov. 5 - More snow last night. I love it! The snow plow came by again. I love it here.


Dec. 10 - Minus 20 degrees is not nearly as cold as most people think. Had the car towed into a garage to thaw out; must have an old battery. Took a cab to work.


Dec. 18 - More of that white shit fell last night. I've got blisters on my hands from shoveling. I think the snow plow hides around the curve and waits until I'm done shoveling the driveway. Asshole!


Dec. 25 - Merry Fucking Christmas! More fucking snow. If I ever get my hands on that son-of-a-bitch who drives the snow plow I'll rip his testicles off. Don't know why they don't use more gravel on those fucking icy roads.


Dec. 27 - More white shit. Been inside for three days except for shoveling out the driveway after that snow plow goes through every time. Can't go anywhere; car's stuck in a mountain of white shit. The weatherman says to expect another 10 inches of the shit tonight. So, you know how many shovels full of snow 10 inches is?


Dec. 28 - The fucking weatherman was wrong. We got 34 inches of that white shit this time. At this rate it won't melt before summer. The snow plow got stuck today. The bastard came to the door to ask if he could borrow a snow shovel. After I told him I had broken two shovels already shoveling all the shit he piled into my driveway, I broke my LAST one over his fucking skull.


Jan. 4 - Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food and on the way back a stupid fucking moose ran out in front of my car and I hit him. Did about $3,000 damage to the car. Those fucking beasts should be killed. Wish the hunters had killed them all last September.


May 3 - Took the car to the garage in town. You would not believe the paint and window chipping from all the fucking gravel they put on the roads.



May 10 - Moving to California. I can't imagine why anyone in their right mind would ever live in the godforsaken state of Alaska